Have you been married for a decade or longer? If so, you are much less likely to get divorced: recent studies show that marriages ending in divorce usually last about eight years. American women tend to take about three years to get remarried after they file for divorce; men take slightly longer, about three and a half years on average. If you are considering filing for divorce, you may have a list of questions to ask a divorce attorney. Wondering what to expect in a divorce? The statistics on American divorce are clear: women have a distinct advantage.
Men are more likely to suffer from depression and even heart attacks after they get divorced, especially if their wife moves to terminate parental rights. There are parental rights for fathers, and custody of the children should be high up on the list of questions for your divorce attorney. What to expect in a divorce that is itself unexpected? More than two-thirds of all divorces are initiated by women; if your wife serves you divorce paperwork, she has more than likely asked an attorney legal questions about divorce. You may want to sit down with a lawyer before responding to the initial paperwork and ask some questions of your own.
There are many reasons that people get divorced: infidelity, growing apart, fighting over raising kids or about money. One study indicated that dancers actually have the highest divorce rate, followed by bartenders and massage therapists. Another study showed that people who commute more than 45 minutes each way to work have much higher divorce rates. What divorce comes down to, however, is a lingering sense of incompatibility between two people: there may have been harmonious aspects and positive experiences in even the most contentious marriage. What to expect in a divorce is that sadness and anger are normal, even expected.
What to expect in a divorce where children are involved is a judge’s ruling about child support. Divorcing parents may also be required to take parenting classes that specifically deal with divorce’s effects on children. Most parents who receive child support get around $300 every month, but that does vary according to the non-custodial parent’s income. About half of all divorced parents do have formal child support arrangements in place: studies consistently show that parents who work together to arrange custody placements for their children have a higher success rate than those who rely solely upon the order of the court.
Nowadays, what to expect in a divorce might just be mediation: each parent will have the counsel of a lawyer, but an outside mediator encourages them to work together to solve property and financial disputes. Mediation can benefit people who are in the process of getting divorced by allowing them a slightly more relaxed pace than the typical court proceeding. There are so many questions to ask your lawyer, but you should make sure to ask about your mediation options.
Ultimately, what causes divorce? There are couples with commutes much longer than 45 minutes to work who have been together for 50 years, while there are couples who both stay at home who divorce after a few months. Living with someone does take commitment, but most marriages do not end due to a lack of commitment: they end because of a fundamental lack of compatibility. Marriages between “morning people” and “night owls” end at much higher rates than marriages where both spouses keep to a similar schedule.
We all go into marriages with good intentions: nobody wants to get married only to suddenly divorce several months or years later. Divorce is one of those painful life hurdles to get over with the help of friends, family, and perhaps a mediator. Taking the time to have a positive divorce experience as much as possible can help children and spouses cope with and navigate through major life changes.